Day of the Fathers

Starting off the day by acknowledging and celebrating all of the men that have played an important role in caring for the youths of the world. Dads. Step-Dads. Grandpas. Papas. Uncles. Brothers. Cousins. Teachers. Coaches. Mentors. Thank you for all that you do.

Father’s Day in the past has always been one of those days that has sat a little uneasy with me. If you know my past, then you know that I have had a very rocky relationship with Daddy-O. There were even a good number of years that we had basically no contact. Father’s Day was always a reminder of this reality that I had no relationship with him. No matter how much of a front that I put up or acted unbothered, every girl wants to have her dad around, especially when he is there for your other siblings. So it stung. I always had my Grandpa around, and I would make sure to celebrate him on this day. But overall, I was bitter. Rightfully so.

But this father’s day, I feel a lot lighter. I feel in a very good place with my father. This is the first time in a long while that I have felt like this. I have also had different spouts of time that I was not super distant with him, but those times always seemed short-lived. This time is different. It has definitely taken awhile to be able to accept this as my reality, and some days I still question myself. I have this thing where I look for things to go wrong all the time, even when there is no evidence that it will go wrong, because self-sabotage is a hard trait to break.

We have both put in a lot of work towards a relationship, and things are going really well. It took a lot of time and reflection on both of our parts (because the faults in our relationship were not just because of one of us). We have both acknowledged that time was not a proud time for either of us, but it is in the past, and we are able to be accountable for our actions. There was nothing left to do but put in the time and effort to rebuild that trust and relationship.

The Witch Baby and myself took a road trip with Daddy-O to visit Sissy and Slick Rick. We have spent some time together for dinners or him stopping over, here and there. We have also gotten to the point that we call each other to check in with each other. There have been a couple phone conversations that have really stuck out to me.

One of them being a phone call that I made to him, and I had just broken down after one of the roughest days with Momma Bear. He made himself available and listened and was able to put some things into perspective for me. It was comforting. That in itself was something relatively new to me. Comfort coming from my father? That never happened, especially emotionally. But it did. It also surprised me that he was one of the people that my mind first went to, to call after my experience.

The second call that really stuck out to me happened after I had finished up a therapy session. During my session, I was asked what I did with my anger or hurt feelings about a situation that I have no control over changing. I did not have an answer to that (part of the reason I am in therapy). Anyways, that question really had me thinking about what other people have done or do with those feelings. I had called him shortly after that session and we talked about his answer to that question and thoughts on how that has changed overtime. This conversation really stuck out to me because we both discussed and reflected about our past selves and where we are now. I think that really speaks volumes to our current relationship.

Another thing that my dad has done that has really stuck out to me was during Mother Day’s weekend. My dad “conspired” with the Witch Baby about a Mother’s Day gift. My dad, the one with money and a driver’s license, went to the store to pick up the gift and bring it over to me. I received a signed card and some potted flowers. This meant the world to me. Not only did he take time out of his day to wish me a Mother’s Day and acknowledge all that I am doing as a mom, but he “helped” the Witch Baby do something for me.

I also want to take this post to acknowledge the father of my baby, Big D. The world knows that he has put me through the ringer in life, but this person has been nothing but amazing when it comes to being a father to our son. We have worked out the kinks of co-parenting. I am sure that we will encounter more in the future, but we have put in a lot of work to get to where we are now for our Witch Baby.

The last person that I want to acknowledge in this post is my grandpa, better known as Papa. He has always been there for me, and now that has extended to being there for the Witch Baby. I always thought that I had wrapped around my finger, until I saw the bond between him and the Witch Baby. He and my grandma are the care givers for my baby love, and my grandpa will do just about anything to put a smile on the Witch Baby’s face. Anywhere from going to the store to buy a new food he has become interested in, to cuddling in the morning, to letting him jump up in your chair and take over the TV when he wants to watch ‘funnies’.

As always, thank you for tagging along on the journey of finding my way.

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