Turbulence

Welcome to another part of many in my A Journey Within series. If you’re new here, I am taking the writing prompts from the book/journal titled A Journey Within: an introspective activity journal to help you get to know yourself better. This book is published by Piccadilly (USA).

I am not going to lie, I am not sure that I would be writing this post right now if it was not for my encounter with the ‘taboo illness’. That is correct, I received a positive test after 2 years. I feel like it was inevitable, but it still sucks. I do not have it as bad as some people, but let me tell you my symptoms are still no joke. The head and body aches are what is the worst for me.

So while I am home alone on quarantine/isolation I figure it is as good as time as any to do some blogging to get my mind off of everything I am missing out on. Because I won’t lie, the hardest part is not being able to have Punky here with me. But he is in good hands, and I am very grateful that Big D has been very understanding and accommodating to this whole situation. I am also very appreciative of his parents for helping out and being our daycare for him.

So anyways, the prompt.. As I was paging through this book, I was undecided what prompt to choose. Nothing stood out. “When you read the quote on this page, what was the first thing you thought about? What is the message behind the quote?”

The greatest danger in times of turbulence is not the turbulence; it is to act with yesterday’s logic.

Peter Drucker

There came a time in my life where I was confronted with a situation, where I encountered turbulence. Turbulence strong enough to knock me flat on my face, down in the mud, and then some. I was forced into a decision.

Ultimately, I had two options.

The first option was that I could choose anger. The logic of yesterday. This was my go to move when confronted with any kind of situation. Anger at people. Anger at the situation. Anger at the world and anyone or thing in my path. I was methodical about it and petty. I had a way that could bring someone else down to my level of pain. I needed revenge. I needed to be back in control of something, because I wasn’t in control of my emotions. So my actions took over, and I did not allow myself to feel what I needed to.

The second option I had, was to deal with the situation – through my emotions. I still could allow myself to be angry, but I needed to do so in a way that only helped me work through my emotions, not at the expense of others. I could not be petty. I could not bring others down to my level of pain. I had to deal with my emotions as they came, and goodness, did they flood in. I needed to be productive with the emotions I felt, especially anger, or any other emotion linked to anger – betrayal, hurt, deception, etc..

During this situation, I not only had to think about myself, but about my son. I had to think about how my choices would effect him and his life growing up. For once in my life, when confronted with a turbulent situation, I had to put myself second. This was very new to me, and not a perfect process. For sure I went through a learning curve during this situation, but it was the catalyst for one of the most life altering changes in how I reacted to anything.

I chose the second option. I chose to not fall victim. Was I angry? Absolutely! I had to work through some of the toughest emotions all while trying to keep my composure enough to continue on with my daily life. I was a wreck. But I choose to break the cycle. I stopped acting with my ego.

Looking back on this turbulent situation, I am so glad I chose this option. I am so glad I took the hard part up front, because in the long run I am doing so much better. Had I chose the first option, it would be easy up front, and hard in the long run. This was one of the toughest, but best decisions I ever made.

In doing so, I have been able to provide a healthy response to turbulence in pretty much any situation. I have been able to model healthy coping skills to my son. I have been able to provide healthy coping skills to my students. I have been able to set boundaries. I have come so far. Again, this is not something that just happened over night, and it is not something that didn’t have set backs. I also did not reach this growth on my own. I went through intensive therapy. Intensive venting sessions. Intensive feelings. I rerouted my anger to productive outlets. I learned how to communicate my feelings and thoughts in a healthy way.

So reading this quote, I really feel like it holds so much truth. It is about taking time to think about what triggers your ego and work through those problems. I am not saying this as some holy-roller or thinking that I am doing better than the next person. I just think that this quote holds so much truth and could definitely lead to some intrinsic reflections. I also think that after any time high emotions arise, it is nice to be reminded of this quote. Become grounded. Become self-aware. Grow.

As always, thank you for reading, and partaking in the journey of finding my way. I appreciate all of the love and support. ♥️